One’s perspective on this depends on one’s status and feeling about current loves or past ones. Valentine’s Day has become another one of those gargantuan opportunities to sell! Sell! Sell! And if you don’t pony up in the right way. You, my friend, are an unromantic (expletive deleted). Of course, if you are unattached or actively fantasizining about ways that your formerly beloved might, well, you know…spend the day in (fill in the blank), your perspective is different. But we digress. Park Slope’s Fifth Avenue isn’t just having Valentine’s Day, they’re having Valentine’s Week! The joy this brings to our heart is nearly too much for words. Here’s the breathless email circulating on Park Slope Parents (the all caps screaming from the sponsors):

FIND YOUR HEART…AND MORE ON 5THAVE, PARK SLOPE. WE LOVE TO LOVE ON 5TH SO MUCH THAT WE WILL CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY ALL WEEK MONDAY THROUGH SATURDAY, FEB.14TH!…..BARS AND RESTAURANTS AND ROMANTIC PLACES FOR LONGING GAZES AND SOFT WHISPERS…..JEWELERY & GIFTS ON 5TH AVE. TO INSPIRE TENDER KISSES

Sorry, we just had to run to the bathroom to barf. Now, back to the email:

…..CAREFULLY SELECTED SOPHISTICATED SPIRITS INVITING AMOUROUS KISSES…..FLOWERS AS TOKENS OF LOVE AND JOY TO PLEASE THAT VERY SPECIAL GIRL OR BOY CHOCOLATES *DESSERTS *MUSIC* CLOTHING*SEXY LINGERIE*SPAS. SO MANY DELIGHTS….IF ONLY YOU’D BE MY VALENTINE TONIGHT ON 5TH AVENUE, PARK SLOPE!!!

Dozens of participating merchants, restaurants, bars, cafes and specialty shops will be offering discounts, promotions, prix fix dinners and more all during Valentines Week. JOIN THE ROMANCE AND FUN ON 5TH.

Darn. Don’t you guys know the thing about doing things in ALL CAPS. Coming next year, Valentine’s Month!